Know Thyself

In some ways, to know oneself is very similar to knowing another. We may recognize traits in ourselves as readily as we recognize them in others. Also, we may choicely overlook things in ourselves we don’t like. However, one knows oneself in ways much deeper than seen by others. There is more to a person than character traits, of course. Everyone has things they tell no one else. Insecurities and ambitions are often things about a person that only that person knows himself. People need to understand their own strengths and weaknesses. They need to know what motivates them and what affects them. To know oneself is important so we don’t wander through life wondering how is it that we have screwed up yet again. A person’s understanding of their own self is more valuable than a relationship with any other person. I know that I am the only person who will be in my life forever, so it is probably best that I know myself.

My worst quality, in my eyes, that causes me trouble time and time again, is my horrible habit of procrastination. I am pretty sure that it is some sort of awful character defect that I cannot motivate myself. For example, homework is pretty important. Then again, to me, when I get home from school, naps are much, much more important than homework, grades, and my future. Of course, I can put a lovely spin on it and say, “I live in the present.” However, I tend to neglect even the immediate future. I seldom start homework before 9pm, and when I get to bed before midnight, that is excitingly early. My grades have certainly not been bad, but for that I am very lucky. I don’t really know how I have managed to still do so well in school when I feel like I am putting in very little effort. I do, however, always put very much effort into assignments for Humanities, of course. I cannot see this procrastination habit getting any better this academic year, at least. When I have scary teachers, I always study for quizzes. I do this because I am scared of them and what kinds of looks they will give me if I do poorly. However, if I have a very nice, laidback teacher, I will feel much more comfortable going to bed instead of studying for their quiz than I would feel doing so for the quiz of an aforementioned scary teacher. I really just need someone else pushing me. I have been sliding since sophomore year, really, but I have a feeling senior slide is even worse. I really haven’t done anything to combat this weakness. I suppose that procrastination is really just part of the fact that I am a horribly unmotivated person. Therefore, I am thoroughly unmotivated to do anything to motivate myself. Oh well; I have managed to do well enough, regardless.

Luckily, a strength that fits nicely with my weakness is that I am quite imperturbable. Even if I do get a bad grade, it doesn’t really faze me, personally. I just don’t like awkward situations with teachers. I realize in the long run, these little things don’t matter. This attitude of mine has become more pronounced in recent years. Last year, I thought I had down the Shakespeare soliloquy that I was to recite to my English class. However, once I began to recite, it became apparent that I was not nearly well-practiced enough. I did my best and had some prompting by the teacher. Overall, it was an awful performance. I realize that most people would have been mortified. I really didn’t care. Not much can embarrass me anymore. I don’t know why, but my imperturbability really does come in handy. I remain a pretty happy person.

Reflecting on what I have written, if I were not so imperturbable, I might want to rethink my ideas. I realize I have made it sound as if I am a slacker and don’t really care. Most people will probably give a weakness that really is a strength, like being a perfectionist or always needing to finish something they start. I’m pretty sure I have managed to spin my strength into another personality flaw. Maybe it is easier for me to write about my weaknesses than my strengths. My friends would say that I brag all the time, but really, I only do that jokingly because I know they expect me to. If someone says “You’re so stupid,” I won’t hesitate to respond, “Welllll, I am a National Merit Semifinalist!” Michaela will appreciate my mentioning that. However, when it comes to serious stuff, I don’t like to talk about how smart I am or anything like that. However, I really do consider it a strength that nothing fazes me. I can appreciate an awkward situation, certainly. The thing is, my imperturbability has saved me much embarrassment, and for that, I am grateful.